looking beyond reality

I am wondering... am I really a bisexual, hetrosexual or... i'm-just-kidding-myself-sexual...

bugging me again...

lolz.. far from being brainwashed, i've been into both the realm of straight guys and the realm of everything that isnt...
but i've never felt the straight society having much of an appeal...

but...

... sometimes, i really long to get myself dirty, play soccer the whole day, drench myself in the rain, go trekking until my legs break.... basically, almost everything that a "straight" guy does...
... instead of just being well known in the computer games reality...

sigh...

but its kinda late isnt it?....
i should've started earlier... maybe i might have developed and interest in aimless spherical object kicking and mud dredging...
... i might be an expert by now, considering my perfectionist persoanality...

ahh... shoot.. i'll just stick with playing basic soccer and basketball.. and of course, my all-time favourite, swimming!...
ahh.. i really want to play water polo though!

its so wierd... i've hardly came across many AJs that share almost the same personality as I do, but.. there are so many that are NOT...
thats why, sometimes, I question myself if I really am a straight, instead of an AJ...

but the facts prove me wrong... most of the time at least...

so.. what do you call a gay trying to be straight?
bisexual?.... hotrosexual?...
haha...
its so confusing...

feeling so guilty, havn't been working much today, only did a few charts and graph and tried to structure out my executive summary (SOMEBODY HELP ME!!)...

and do a basic framework for my Creativity and Conceptualization map stuffy...
guess wad i'm doing...

as wad Ms Kwa said, "every director imparts a bit of his or herself into the movie that they are doing, it is from there, that every movie has its color"
my life is colorful... dammit. its darn colorful..
doubt anybody else has a more upside down - turn you up and smack you down kinda life...

so.. i'm going to do on the most "movie" part of my life... which, of course... is....
how I met.... him....

bleahz.... i feel fuzzy everytime i think about the whole senario...

if you readers wanna see it, its in one of my old entries in
http://raziel-mind.blogspot.com/2005/07/path-i-chose.html

it does have a storyline, but it kinda lacks a concept....

but its my life after alll.. whatdaheck, the concept is ME....



sigh... wonder what God is thinking.....